Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Calling Children Bad Names (By Grandma Jeddah)

Last Excerpt From-- 

How to Discipline Children the Islamic Way

By Grandma Jeddah


The Way The Prophet (saw) Interacted with Children

According to hadith, Anas Ibn Malik said, I served the Prophet (saw) for ten years, and he never hit me, insulted me or frowned in my face." (Muslim)
          This hadith is truly amazing. It’s amazing because children are children. Nature doesn’t change. Youngsters can be disruptive, forgetful, irresponsible and annoying at times. This hadith clearly tells us how patient the Prophet (saw) was with the young children around him. Not only did the Prophet (saw) avoid hitting according to this hadith, he also avoided using hurtful words.
Avoid name calling
According to hadith, the Prophet (saw) said “A Muslim is the one from whose hands and tongue other Muslims are safe.” (Tirmidhi) When disciplining your child, know that name calling and speaking abusively should be avoided. Allah says in Quran 49:11: O ye who believe! Let not some men among you laugh at others: It may be that the (latter) are better than the (former): Nor let some women laugh at others: It may be that the (latter are better than the (former): Nor defame nor be sarcastic to each other, nor call each other by (offensive) nicknames: Ill-seeming is a name connoting wickedness, (to be used of one) after he has believed: And those who do not desist are (indeed) doing wrong.

          Some parents make little of calling their children names such as stupid, dumb or crazy. They don’t consider it a serious offence or find it a need for concern. However, this ayat from Quran, lets us know in clear terms that calling our children hurtful words that humiliate them is wrong and should be avoided. So not only should we shun hitting, we should also ensure that we speak to our children respectfully. 

Order and read the entire book and view the entire video today, insha'Allah at: http://www.grandmajeddah.com/How-to-Discipline-Children-the-Islamic-Way-Video-e-Book-129.htm


Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 13 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California.She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-books at:  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/

Friday, September 16, 2016

An Amazing Parenting Site

Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah Wa Barakatu,

Recently I was introduced to an amazing parenting site authored by Brother Haroon Malik.  It is actually a parenting class. The  class reminds us of how seriously important our roll of parenting is. The brother provides abundant references from Quran and hadith to guide us toward becoming better Muslim parents and to hopefully raise Allah fearing children.

Here is a brief description of the course:

As a current or future Muslim Parent, it is an honor and a blessing from Allah to give us a child.
Prophet Muhammad wants his nation to have the highest number compared to other nations on the day of judgment.
It is our responsibility to learn what we are signing up for!
This course gets into the role of parenting and its importance in Islam. Ustadh Haroon truly brings you a comprehensive, results-producing parenting resource for today's Muslim parents.

You can learn more about the class here, insha'Allah: http://salamseminars.thinkific.com/courses/parenting-in-islam?ref=ca9584


More about Brother Haroon Malik

Haroon Malik is a father of three children and happily married for over 11 years. Haroon had the opportunity to lead AlMaghrib Institute’s Windsor tribe; attend the first batch of 10-month Bayyinah Institute’s Arabic intensive program; and lead multiple outreach campaigns for GainPeace (ICNA’s outreach) of billboards, buses, and booths. Since early college days, Haroon has been counseling youth from tweens, teenagers to University students. By profession, Haroon Malik comes from a Financial Reporting background and currently resides in Detroit, Michigan.

He is the founder of Camp Salam which is an organization whose mission is to bring a fun and active environment for families to get together and to empower them with strategies and tools for mastering and living life fully; everything from how to be motivated, change your mindset, being healthy and physically fit, being happy and productive, time management, cultivating relationships, spirituality, and much more! He strives to be a strong believer in making continual progress in each area of his life, to have lasting growth, and a strong relationship with Allah.
Camp Salam is an environment where you will learn confidence, leadership, and how to contribute to your community. Camp Salam is mainly targeted for families and young children. We believe in empowering you with the motivation and skills to stay physically fit, teaching you love for healthy food, nature and the outdoors, while connecting with our creator - all amidst the fun of camp fires, fitness boot camps, educational activities, sports, and meaningful relationships.

Salam Seminars which offers online courses and webinars related to topics of Family and Parenting, is a project of Camp Salam.

7 Must-Have Values Every Parent Should Teach Their Child – To Raise a Firm Believer (By Brother Haroon Malik)

7 Must-Have Values Every Parent Should Teach Their Child – To Raise a Firm Believer

Is my child going to be a good Muslim?
Will she put hijab on when she grows up?
Can I trust him with a cell phone at the age of ten?
I doing my job as a parent? Should I go back home?
What if…. How will I… What’s the best way to…

All of the above thoughts and questions come to the mind of a concerned Muslim parent. When a couple decides to have a baby, they know that having a child is a blessing but the magnitude of the challenge as a parent does not cross their mind at all.

To answer all of these questions and more will require a course to cover every little detail, but that is not the point of this post. As a mature man and woman, you know that life comes with lots of excitement and challenges. And if you had to write a book or even a cheat sheet for someone who is about to come into this world, there is no way you would be able to cover everything in a few pages. You would have to write an encyclopedia and that would still not be sufficient.

Parenting is one of those areas of your life that requires a lot of attention as it is about fulfilling the responsibility that was given to you by your creator. After discussing this with many fathers and mothers of different generations, there are some core values that we need to make sure we equip our children with.

We will be taking a brief look at 7 core values which, if they are tightened up and not left loose, will enable you to raise a sound and firm believer. We need a generation that can bring change and add value to our society. As you are reading about each of these seven core values, you’ll be asking yourself, what can I do to instill this value in my child? My advice is to ask yourself, do I have the nuts and bolts of this value tightened up? Because if you forget about yourself and only concentrate on your child, it would be a bigger loss as you and your child are going to come alone on the Day of Judgment in front of Allah.

This is not an overnight solution, but if you are looking for a way to bring change to yourself, your children, family, and society around you, then read on. Let’s get started!


1-  CONFIDENCE

Seek Honor in Islam


Seek Honor in Islam Umar ibn Al-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him, left on a journey to Syria and with him was Abu Ubaida. They came upon a creek, so Umar dismounted from his camel, took off his sandals and placed them over his shoulder, and then led the camel over the creek. Abu Ubaida said, “O commander of the faithful, are you doing this? You have taken off your sandals and placed them on your back and you led the camel through the creek yourself. I do not think it will be easy for me to get the people of this country to honor you.” Umar said, “If only someone else had said this, O Abu Ubaida! I have made this a deterrent for the nation of Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him. Verily, we were a disgraceful people and Allah honored us with Islam, so if we seek honor from other than Islam, then Allah will humiliate us.”

We tend to skip our daily prayers or even Friday prayers because we are worried we’ll get fired from our job. We will call ourselves Abe instead of Abdullah because we are shy to have a name that is not common in society. Sometimes we don’t wear hijab or grow a beard, knowing it is from our religion, because we are afraid that the guy or girl that we want to get married to might leave us if we associate ourselves with such “backwards” traditions. As a Slave who is trying to please Allah, we should be seeking honor in Islam and not in anything else, like the way our role model Umar bin Al-Khattab advised us. This value is important for us to instill in our kids so they are not seeking recognition in any other way. But remember, if they are seeing you as a hypocritical personality, where you tend to be Abdullah at the masjid and Abe when meeting neighbors, this could have a negative impact on your child’s personality. One of our goals as parents should be to not give mixed messages to our children. Otherwise, they’ll seek honor and attention somewhere else.

2- RESPONSIBLE

So Don’t Blame Me, but Blame Yourselves


Blame and excuses are the hallmarks of an unsuccessful life. In some of our Muslim cultures, and I can speak for myself, from a South Asian community, if something goes wrong in our lives, we blame our Chacha and Phupo (Uncle and Aunt) for doing black magic on us!

One responsibility that we have as a parent is to have our kids take responsibility for their actions. I will emphasize the point that we need to practice this ourselves. If our kids see father doing something wrong, but he never takes responsibility for it, then they will also have the trait of blaming everything on others.

It is a pattern in the lives of unsuccessful people to blame others and not take responsibility for their own actions. This type of attitude forces you to look at your life as a failure because you allowed yourself to be blown here and there, by any passing wind. And, you blamed the wind for how things turned out.

If you start taking responsibility for your own actions, you’ll start to do something about it. In fact, that is the mindset of an idol worshipper; one who doesn’t want to submit to Allah and make a change, so he or she turns to an idol hoping it will talk to Allah for his or her shortcomings.

It is enough for us to know what will happen on the Day of Judgment. Allah tells us in the Quran:

“And Shaitan (Satan) will say when the matter has been decided: ‘Verily, Allah promised you a promise of truth. And I too promised you, but I betrayed you. I had no authority over you except that I called you, and you responded to me. So blame me not, but blame yourselves. I cannot help you, nor can you help me. I deny your former act in associating me (Satan) as a partner with Allah (by obeying me in the life of the world). Verily, there is a painful torment for the Zaalimoon (polytheists and wrongdoers).’ ” (Quran, Ibraaheem: 22)

So start taking responsibility for your own actions. Otherwise you’ll find yourself blaming others all of your life for your own laziness and shortcomings, while even Shaitan is telling us, “Don’t blame me, but blame yourselves.”

3- OPTIMISTIC

I Am as My Servant Thinks of Me

The Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “Allah the Most High said, ‘I am as My servant thinks (expects) I am. I am with him when he mentions Me. If he mentions Me to himself, I mention him to Myself; and if he mentions Me in an assembly, I mention him in an assembly greater than it. If he draws near to Me a hand’s length, I draw near to him an arm’s length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed.’ ”
Positive thinking is a great quality of any human being. In order to be stress-free and be more effective, you’ll have to start thinking positively. Positive thinking doesn’t mean that you ignore life’s less pleasant situations. It means that your attitude towards unpleasant situations will be more positive and you’ll deal with them in a more productive way. You think the best is going to happen, not the worst.

There is a negative attitude that has spread across the Muslim world. If we have trouble finding a job, we will blame society around us for being racist. If someone is going through hard times, we’ll assume Allah is punishing them because they are bad Muslims.
Allah is teaching us that we should always expect the best of Allah, meaning he will have mercy on you and will relieve you of hardship. He will forgive you if you seek forgiveness, will accept your repentance if you repent, will answer you if you supplicate, and will suffice you if you ask for something. We should call upon Allah while we are certain that we will be answered by him.

The mindset for us, and for our children, must be to fulfill his or her obligations while he or she is certain that Allah will accept his actions and forgive his sins and make his matters easier for him. So, whoever performs such a deed and believes and expects that Allah will not accept it and that it will not benefit him, this is despair from the Mercy of Allah, and is from the greatest of the major sins.

Most people assume the worst. Most people believe that they are deprived of their rights, have bad luck, deserve more than what Allah gave them, and it is as if they are saying: ‘My Lord has wronged me and deprived me of what I deserve,’ and his soul bears witness to this while his tongue denies it and refuses to openly state this. So ask yourself, are you protected from this type of mindset? This type of attitude is very destructive and we should try our best to keep our children from negativity and always think positive in all situations.
‘Abdullah bin Mas’ud (radi Allahu anhu) said: “By the One besides Who none is worthy of worship, the believer is not given anything good better than his good expectations of Allah, and by the One besides Who none is worthy of worship, no servant of Allah expects good of Him except that Allah gives him what he expected, since all good is in His Hand.”  

4- FAITH

Mindset of a Slave


When the word “slave” is heard, immediately Muslims think about Guantanamo Bay or some Indians building tall structures for the Arab world! But have you thought about the time when you learned the first pillar of Islam which says, “I bear witness that there is no one worthy of worship except Allah and I bear witness that Prophet Muhammad is his SLAVE and his messenger.”

If you pray five times a day, this phrase is repeated twice in each prayer. Let’s define what a slave truly is. In a nutshell, a slave is someone who does whatever his master tells him. He works for him 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. He doesn’t take time off or ask for compensation from his master. An employee, on the other hand, works for his or her employer, takes time off on weekends, takes vacation days, demands a salary, and can quit if he finds a better employer who will pay him more. A slave on the other hand can only be freed at his master’s will. A slave doesn’t own any property and doesn’t plan for himself.

It is an honor that Allah created us and gave us the opportunity to serve him as his slave. We can be a slave of Allah or a slave of his creation. We can write on and on about the topic of slavery in Islam, but always know that you are living your life according to the terms of your master. Your part is to find out what he wants from his righteous slaves. That can only be done by following his guidance from his book and the messengers he sent down. If we can correct this concept in our minds, life will be a lot easier, happier, and more satisfying. We will always be grateful for what our master has given us. And if he takes something away from us, we as slaves will know that it wasn’t ours to begin with, and if our Master has taken it away from us, then he is the one who created us and knows what is best for us.

A slave always gives his best to please his master, whatever the circumstances may be. If you want to raise a firm believer who is dedicated to bringing change in society, then you need to mold him or her to have the mindset of a slave; a slave of the creator of the heavens and the earth and not a slave of this world.

5- STRENGTH

A Strong Believer Is Better


A strong believer is better and is more lovable to Allah than a weak believer – Prophet Muhammad

This might be hard for me to say but I am sure you wouldn’t disagree – Most of our religious leadership is not even close to following this hadith. That is why it is not mentioned much in our seminars, sermons, and conferences. In fact I would argue, most of them are not just of descent or of average strength, but are victims of the lifestyle disease of obesity.

Our goal is to be closer to Allah and Prophet Muhammad is teaching us to be a strong person. We tend to look for easier ways such as attending conferences and reading the Quran, but it’s is much harder to gain physical strength.

It’ll require us to change our whole life; what activities we do, spending thirty minutes to an hour out of our day to exercise, and eating right, which would mean controlling our habits during iftaars and wedding parties.

As parents, we need to make sure that we have a culture of active lifestyle at home. We revolve our family gatherings around outdoor activities instead of sitting in front of a screen.

If there is one quality that a Muslim who wants to bring change must have, it would be having strength. You can talk all day and make beautiful speeches, but action requires you to have a body with strength.

Oh My People


For those of us who were not born in the West and migrated from the Middle East, South Asia, or any other parts of the world, our hearts are usually attached back home. We’ll always be talking about how great people were back home and how this society is so bad, but we also don’t want to leave this society. It’s obvious that your life is a lot more comfortable here than it was back home. Then why the double standards–that you will be living in the so called “the land of Kuffar” and always talk down the society where you live, but you also don’t want to leave this society and go back home?

Prophets mentioned in the Quran, when they are calling their nations towards good and leaving the evil, they address them by saying “Oh My People” – meaning I am part of you. Don’t you see, I grew up amongst you, you have never seen me doing anything wrong. I am always thinking good for you. I am a prophet, so listen to me because I want to see good for you – “Oh My People.”

If you want change in society and you have been living here and know that this is home for you and your future generations, then start thinking like you are a part of the society. The only way you’ll be able to bring change to “Your People” is if you start considering yourself as one of them.

You cannot be a leader when you believe that you are an outsider. Wherever you live, have a mindset of leadership and encourage your kids to have a sense of leadership in their role as well. Always look for opportunities to make the lives of people around you better. That is what true leadership is about and our children must learn this attitude.

7- ACTION

Tie Your Camel


When we consider ourselves spiritual and being the “men of God,” we think we need to become monks who sit on their prayer rug and prayer beads and do dhikar/remembrance of Allah. All of that is fine as long as you are spending your time making sure you have done your part. It is one thing to put your trust in Allah, but as long as you have tied your camel.

This term comes from a story where a companion of Prophet Muhammad left his camel without tying it. Prophet Muhammad asked him, “Why don’t you tie down your camel” – The man said, “I put my trust in Allah”; to which Prophet Muhammad responded, “Tie your camel first, then put your trust in Allah.”

The meaning of this story is that we need to do our part first and then put our reliance in Allah. Part of our faith is to know and teach our children to trust Allah in every situation. But we need to do our part and our children must know that. They should not be spoon-fed everything and they should take ownership of their matters as they mature in age.

We need to study for our test, and then put our trust in Allah to pass. We need to take the pill, and then put our trust in Allah to cure us. We need to work out and eat healthy, and then put our trust in Allah to give us health and strength. We need to work hard, make a living, spend in Allah’s cause, and then put our trust in Allah to eliminate poverty. We need to buckle up and drive safely, and then put our trust in Allah to keep us safe. I think we get the point! Let’s move on…


About the Author


Haroon Malik is a father of three children and happily married for over 11 years. Haroon had the opportunity to lead AlMaghrib Institute’s Windsor tribe; attend the first batch of 10-month Bayyinah Institute’s Arabic intensive program; and lead multiple outreach campaigns for GainPeace (ICNA’s outreach) of billboards, buses, and booths. Since early college days, Haroon has been counseling youth from tweens, teenagers to University students. By profession, Haroon Malik comes from a Financial Reporting background and currently resides in Detroit, Michigan.

He is the founder of Camp Salam which is an organization whose mission is to bring a fun and active environment for families to get together and to empower them with strategies and tools for mastering and living life fully; everything from how to be motivated, change your mindset, being healthy and physically fit, being happy and productive, time management, cultivating relationships, spirituality, and much more! He strives to be a strong believer in making continual progress in each area of his life, to have lasting growth, and a strong relationship with Allah.
Camp Salam is an environment where you will learn confidence, leadership, and how to contribute to your community. Camp Salam is mainly targeted for families and young children. We believe in empowering you with the motivation and skills to stay physically fit, teaching you love for healthy food, nature and the outdoors, while connecting with our creator - all amidst the fun of camp fires, fitness boot camps, educational activities, sports, and meaningful relationships.

Salam Seminars which offers online courses and webinars related to topics of Family and Parenting, is a project of Camp Salam.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

How to Discipline Children the Islamic Way: Limits on Hitting (By Grandma Jeddah)

Excerpt From-- 

How to Discipline Children the Islamic Way

By Grandma Jeddah

Sheikh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen

Sheikh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) has said the following regarding hitting children at 10-years for failure to pray:

Hit only when effective
“The command implies that it is obligatory, but it is limited only to cases where smacking will be beneficial, because sometimes you smack a child but he does not benefit from being smacked, it only makes him scream and cry more and does not serve any benefit. Moreover, what is meant by smacking here is smacking that is not painful, a light smack that serves the purpose and does not cause any harm 4.”

So hitting, some scholars explain, is required only when it will achieve the desired result— compliance. If the effect of hitting will lead to more misbehavior rather than obedience, then spanking should be avoided. Because certain children do not respond favorably to hitting, it is to the mother’s benefit that she learn alternative discipline methods that can help encourage her children to comply.

Avoid hitting when angry
Some scholars also state that hitting should be avoided when angry. Most parents have probably experienced an incident or two in which their child’s misconduct infuriated them.  A parent who is angry is more likely to hit her child out of frustration rather than for the purpose of guiding the child to do what is right. Hitting due to frustration, anger, sadness or whatever malady the parent might be experiencing at the time, are not valid reasons to hit your child. We can see the wisdom in the hadith that quotes the Prophet (saw) as saying, “No one should judge between others when he is in a state of anger” (Bukhari).
         


Do not hit the face
As mentioned previously, hitting children in the face is completely forbidden in Islam.  Here are two hadith which clarify the issue of hitting in the face:  According to one hadith the Prophet (saw) said, “When any one of you fights, let him avoid (striking) the face.” (Bukhari)
          According to another hadeeth, narrated by Abu Bakrah and others, a woman committed adultery, and the Prophet (saw) commanded she be stoned to death, and said, ‘Stone her, but avoid the face. (Abu Dawood)
          This hadith clearly tells us that even when punishing someone, the person should not be hit in the face.

Limited number of strikes
Another stipulation regarding hitting is that parents should limit the number of times they hit their child when disciplining him. This limit is no more than10 strikes. Others have limited it to 3 strikes, and Allahu Alim. According to a hadith narrated by Abu Burdah al-Ansaari, he heard the Prophet (saw) say: “No one should be given more than ten lashes of the whip except in the case of one of the hadd punishments prescribed by Allah.” (Bukhari)
          This stipulation is paramount, as it can help minimize chances of hurting or injuring your child when hitting him. 
          Are you now beginning to develop a new and greater understanding regarding the permissibility and parameters of hitting your child when disciplining him?  When disciplining with hitting, you should keep in mind the following conditions:
·        Avoid causing injury
·        Avoid causing pain
·        Avoid harshness
·        Avoid hitting in the face
·        Avoid hitting as a first option
·        Avoid using more than 10 strikes.
·        Avoid using when angry
·        Avoid hitting when child will not respond with proper behavior


Now we will look at the way in which The Prophet (saw) interacted with young children.


Order and read the entire book and view the entire video today, insha'Allah at: http://www.grandmajeddah.com/How-to-Discipline-Children-the-Islamic-Way-Video-e-Book-129.htm



Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 13 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California.She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-books at:  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/

Monday, September 5, 2016

One Scholar's Surprising Opinion on Disciplining Kids for misbehavior

Excerpt From-- 

How to Discipline Children the Islamic Way

By Grandma Jeddah



Common Discipline Views

I’d venture to say most of you reading this book were hit when you were young as a form of discipline. The norm in most societies today, both Muslim and non-Muslim is that hitting your child is necessary in order to raise him up properly. There is a new trend, however, which discourages hitting and encourages other forms of directing children toward proper behavior. This method is slowly penetrating parenting circles and households with children.

Many Muslims question this manner of disciplining. They believe discipline which avoids hitting children is something new from the West and not a part of our Islamic way. But in actuality, Islam promotes a form of upbringing and discipline that encourages alternative ways of correcting your child than hitting.

Why be Concerned with the Issue of Hitting
You may be wondering . . . why is this issue of hitting our children even relevant? It’s relevant because when we discipline our children, we want to make sure we are not transgressing against them. This is an important concern, because in our earnest attempt to correct our children, it’s possible we may be harming them.
Before I proceed further, I want to emphasize that I am not a scholar, so I can’t address this issue from a scholarly standpoint. I am speaking from knowledge

I have obtained from readings and lectures of those more knowledgeable than myself.
To determine what the Islamic way of disciplining is, I will use two sources. First, I will state reputable scholars’ opinions on disciplining children. Second, I will give examples of how the Prophet (saw) behaved around children.

Scholars’ Opinions on Hitting Children

Sheikh Albany

The following was taken from an article in the Saudi Gazette1: Sheikh Muhammad Nasiruddeen Al-Albani (May Allah have mercy on him) was asked if it was permissible for teachers to hit students to discipline them. His reply is an eye-opener for us:

       As far as hitting the face, this is not permissible due to the statement of the Prophet (peace be upon him): “Do not hit the face and do not disfigure.” As for hitting a student in general to discipline, (let’s) mention the statement of the Prophet, “Command your children to pray when they reach the age of seven and hit them if they leave it off when they reach the age of 10, and separate them from each other in the beds. “This Hadith is proof that it is not permissible for those in charge to hit a child, whether student or not, for not obeying commands until he reaches the age of 10. Without doubt, whatever knowledge any teacher wants to impart to his students will not be more important than saying prayer.


      “If the Prophet (peace be upon him) prohibited fathers from hitting their children for not praying, until they reached the age of 10, then with all the more reason, it is not permissible for those other than the father to hit children for something (lesser) than the salah until they reached the age of 10. “Thus, it is not permissible for teachers to beat children even if they did not obey him regarding the salah.

      “I would like to also add that the age of puberty for girls and boys differ tremendously from country to country. I know that in general, in countries of warm climate, the hormones may mature at a faster rate; thus the age of Takleef (duty, obligation to observe precepts of religion) would be reached at an earlier age than it would be in a cold climate. So this rule should not be taken in general, but rather each country should look into this with more details. For example, one should find out if that particular child has reached the age of puberty or not? So the ruling will be decided according to what predominates.”

      The Sheikh was then asked: “What if the child had bad banners?” Sheikh Al-bani replied: “Beating and spanking is not (allowed) at all. Instead the child should be advised. Sometimes words have a greater affect on people than hitting. And sometimes hitting does not help at all; rather it makes them persist in doing that. The best guidance is the guidance of Muhammad (peace be upon him). The child should not be hit as long as he did not reach the age of puberty. Also, from the same hadith mentioned previously, I understand it is wrong for fathers to command their children to pray before they reach the age of seven. This contradicts the command of the Prophet (peace be upon him). It is alright if fathers take their children along with them to mosques for prayers. But as for commanding them, then this is in opposition to the hadith.”

       The Sheikh was again asked: “Sheikh, regarding hitting, sometimes you find students leave their houses and have no manners, even good advice does not benefit them, so does hitting them fall into necessity?” The Sheikh replied: “There is no necessity. Where is the necessity here? Can you comprehend that hitting would benefit when the One who created him (Allah, who revealed to the Prophet) said that [sic] do not hit him until he reaches the age of seven?” [Author’s note: Here when he says the age of 7, it appears to be an error, whereas before he mentioned do not hit until he reaches the age of ten, as mentioned in the hadith. And Allahu Alim.]

       The Saudi Gazette adds a foot note to the article that says: Note: However, when this question was posed to Dr. Saleh As-Saleh in his Paltalk class, “Understanding Islam,” he answered that it is permissible to spank for disciplining children if it is used as a last resort and done gently.”
The above article is an excerpt from the audio lecture “La Qushoor Fil Islam.” You can find the link to the article by going to Google Search and typing in “La Qushoor Fil Islam.”

       This ruling that hitting children under 10-years-old or prior to puberty is not allowed, given by Sheikh Albani, is a position that many Muslims are unaware of. The hadith many Muslims often refer to regarding disciplining their children is the same one the Sheikh addressed, directing to teach your children to pray at seven and hit them at ten if they do not pray. This hadith, however, has been used by many parents, teachers, and caregivers as a ticket to strike children at will, with no limitations.

        The error of this thinking will become clearer when we discuss the issue of hitting further, with examples of the way the Prophet (saw) behaved around children. With these illustrations, you will begin to see that Sheikh Albani’s point about no hitting is quite relevant and vital for many parents who want to ensure they are disciplining their children properly, Islamically.

Order and read the entire book and view the entire video today, insha'Allah at: http://www.grandmajeddah.com/How-to-Discipline-Children-the-Islamic-Way-Video-e-Book-129.htm


Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 13 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California.She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-books at:  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/

Monday, August 29, 2016

Can Passion to Guide Your Children Lead to Abuse? By Grandma Jeddah

Excerpt From-- 

How to Discipline Children the Islamic Way

By Grandma Jeddah


Introduction
This book is for Muslim parents who are concerned about raising their children up as good Muslims. It was written for these parents, but its intent is not to present what they should teach their children. The purpose of this book is to offer parents an awareness of the manner in which they should guide their children toward virtuous lifestyles. It’s for those parents who want to guide their children to what’s right but also want to direct in ways that have been encouraged in our religion. These parents wish to avoid instructing in ways that are contrary to our religion.
 Many Muslim parents today (converts as well as those born into Islam) discipline their children according to their family’s cultural traditions rather than Islamic culture. Some of these traditional methods may be appropriate Islamically--others may not.   Muslims are generally fervent in wanting their children to grow up as obedient and God fearing Muslims. Sometimes this passion can lead to excesses and even transgressions when disciplining. One of the most common present day customary methods of training children is the use of corporal punishment.

 

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When I first became Muslim, I was one of those parents who used physical discipline on a regular basis. I had only my family background to use as a reference point when raising my children.
There were no English Islamic books written at the time which provided New Muslim parents with Islamically based methods of child discipline . . . at least none that I knew of.
          And when I observed those around me, I noticed that some Muslim parents found little hesitation in slapping their children in the face. Calling children derogatory names wasn’t off the list either. So as a new Muslim convert, to me, my methods of disciplining my children seemed normal and not contrary to Islam.
Alhamdullilah, presently, a host of Islamic books, articles, lectures, aswell as websites and blogs offer Muslim parents guidance as to how we as Muslims should direct our children toward proper behavior. These teachings explain that the Quran and our Prophet Muhammad (saw) discouraged harsh discipline, hitting in the face, and the use of disparaging remarks when correcting children.
Things have changed greatly, by the Mercy of Allah, from those decades eons ago when I began raising my family. There is an abundance of parenting information on the negative effectives of being excessively harsh when disciplining our children from both Islamic as well as secular sources.  
This book, How to Discipline Children the Islamic Way introduces parents to some of the Islamic references that suggest the manner in which we should instruct our children. It raises parents’ awareness to the possibility that many of the methods they may be using to manage their child’s behavior may be a result of cultural habit, rather than religious instruction. There are many examples from the Prophet’s (saw) manner of correcting that guide us to the conclusion that when disciplining our children, we should be patient, kind and gentle.
I’m sure many of you are thinking about the hadith that mentions hitting your children at 10 if they don’t pray.  Don’t worry— we will discuss that later in the book, Insha’Allah. Many parents might also be wondering—how do you raise a child without hitting him. That is somewhat beyond the scope of this book. However, suffice it to say there are loads of ways to correct children without hitting and shouting at them. You can find over 25 ways to discipline your child without hitting or shouting in my e-book Discipline without Disrespecting:; Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child—And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It. www.grandmajeddah.com

May Allah bless us all to use teaching methods that are most pleasing to Him, when raising our children to be good Muslims.


Order and read the entire book and view the entire video today, insha'Allah at: http://www.grandmajeddah.com/How-to-Discipline-Children-the-Islamic-Way-Video-e-Book-129.htm


Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 13 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California.She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-books at:  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/