Principal's Message

Message from the Principal: Brother Eric Ali-- When guiding our children toward proper Islamic character, we must remember that part of being a wise teacher or parent is being kind and gentle with our children. During the time of the Prophet (saw), a Bedouin urinated in the masjid. Immediately the Prophet’s companions rushed toward the man to beat him. But the Prophet (saw) told them to leave him alone. After the man finished urinating, the Prophet (saw) told him, “Verily, filth and urine are not permitted in these masjids. Indeed, it is for the remembrance of Allah.” The Messenger said to his companions, “I was sent to make things easy, and I was not sent to make things difficult.” And he poured a bucket of water over the urine. Even though our children were raised in Islam, eventually they will have to choose to be Muslims. Let’s help make the proper decision easy for them.-- Al-Madinah School: 1635 South Saint Andrews Place, Los Angeles, California 90019-- madina@pacbell.net (1-323) 296-5961

Saturday, October 21, 2017

Adopting Orphans: A Noble Endeavor By Grandma Jeddah (part 2)

Adopting Orphans: A Noble Endeavor
By

Grandma Jeddah
(part 2)

Allah also says in Quran, “Therefore, treat not the orphan with harshness.” (Quran 94: 9)
He commands us to: “Worship none but Allah (Alone) and be dutiful and good to parents, and to kindred, and to orphans . . .”
These verses from Quran present clear evidence that orphans should be treated honorably and respectably.

Adoption, in both Islam and the West, involves raising and maintaining a child which is not the caregiver’s offspring. However, Islam provides additional stipulations, unlike the West, that provide added protection for the adopted child. One requirement of adoption in Islam is that the child should be made aware that the adoptive parents are not his biological parents. Another is that the orphan retains the name of his parent(s).
Allah says in Quran about adopted children: “. . . Nor has He made your adopted sons your real sons. That is but a saying with your mouths. But Allah says the truth and he guides to the right way.”  (Quran33:4)

“ .  . . Call them by the names of their fathers, that is more just in the sight of Allah, but if you do not know their father’s names, (then they are) your brothers in faith, or your wards. But there is no blame on you if you make a mistake there in: What counts is the intention of your hearts. (Quran 33:5)


(to be continued, insha'Allah)



Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 16 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California. She has written dozens of articles for Muslim magazines, newspapers and blogs.  She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-books at:  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/



Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Adopting Orphans: A Noble Endeavor By Grandma Jeddah

Rose Ali                                                                                  Words:  Approx. 900
1636 S. St. Andrews Pl. #4
Los Angeles, CA, 90019
(323) 900-9837
info@grandmajeddah.com




Adopting Orphans: A Noble Endeavor
By
Grandma Jeddah
Do you know anyone who was adopted or raised in a home other than his biological parents? Sure you do . . . three of them are mentioned in the Quran—Prophet Musa (as), Prophet Yusuf (as), and Prophet Muhammad (saw). Prophet Muhammad (saw) and Prophet Musa (as) were orphans, while Prophet Yusuf (as) was abandoned. Evidence shows that adoptions have taken place since early historical times. The need for others to support and maintain children not born of their loin or womb existed thousands upon thousands of years ago and still exists today.

In the West, during the early 1900’s, one of the primary ways in which adoption was practiced was as a solution for mothers who had become pregnant out of wedlock, similar to how abortions are primarily used today.

Because societal regulations during that period sought to protect birth parents and adopted children from the stigma related to an unmarried mother having a child, adoption was and still remains today, a taboo subject, often shrouded in secrecy and shame. Allah, however, presents a different perspective regarding orphans and adoption. He bestows upon adopted orphans honor, dignity and justice, and demands that others do so, likewise. Allah says in Quran: Those who swallow the property of the orphans unjustly are actually devouring fire into their bellies and they shall enter the burning fire.”(Quran 33:4-5)

(to be continued, insha'Allah)


Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 16 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California. She has written dozens of articles for Muslim magazines, newspapers and blogs.  She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-books at:  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/





Saturday, October 14, 2017

Grandma Jeddah is looking for writers!

Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatu,

Grandma Jeddah is looking for writers. We need writers preferably from Muslim African countries and Muslim Asian countries who can write 500 to 1,000 word non-fiction articles about famous Muslims in their country, famous Muslims from the past in their country, famous Islamic locations in their country, or anything related to their country that can be formulated to be Islamic based and Islamic character related.

All stories should be on the level  of children ages seven to 13 or 1st grade to 6th grade. Stories should have an Islamic perspective and develop Islamic character. All stories will include the author’s name. All copyrights will belong to publishing companies associated with Grandma Jeddah’s books. Copyrights will not remain with the authors. Writers will receive a $5.00 stipend for each story that is accepted. Writers who live outside of the U.S. or Canada must have PayPal to receive their earnings.

It can take up to six months for us to consider manuscripts. We are unable to provide detailed written assessments of rejected manuscripts. In some cases of accepted manuscripts, we may request authors to develop, rewrite, and resubmit their manuscripts.  Our editors have the right to modify content of all accepted manuscripts.  We will share final revised manuscript with author.

Please submit submissions to - info@grandmajeddah.com.

Here are samples of stories you may model after.


We look forward to your submissions, insha’Allah. Jazakalakhair.
Grandma Jeddah

Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 16 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California. She has written dozens of articles for Muslim magazines, newspapers and blogs.  She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-books at:  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/





Friday, October 13, 2017

6 Top Tips for Homeschool Success By: Grandma Jeddah

6 Top Tips for Homeschool Success
By: Grandma Jeddah

 “What have I gotten myself into?!” If you’re a homeschooling parent and find yourself pondering this question—a bit more often than not— here are 6 splendid ideas on how to help make homeschooling your kids more productive, Insha’Allah.

1. Establish respectful discipline methods. Determine how to handle misbehavior and incomplete class work and homework assignments. Many teachers eagerly confide that often the greatest difficulty with teaching is managing behavior rather than teaching the material itself.
Knowing effective ways of managing your child’s misbehavior can help simplify the teaching process significantly. If you can get your child to cease talking, sit in his seat and follow along with your instructions, you will have accomplished a major part of your teaching job. There are loads of ways to respectfully encourage your child to comply with your directives. One remarkable way is delaying an exciting and desirable activity until the end of the class period or end of the day.
Let’s say you’re having science class and part of the lesson is to collect an assortment of leaves from outside. Children generally enjoy participating in outdoor activities. Remind your child that if he stays seated throughout the lesson and follows along in class, the two of you will be able to complete class a few minutes early and go outside to gather the leaves. Perchance he periodically still needs reminding, let him know, casually, that whenever you have to stop the lesson to correct him, this takes away from the extra time you two might have. This discipline technique not only encourages appropriate conduct, it also teaches your child to self-manage his own behavior. You accomplish two goals in one!
It is reported the Prophet (saw) said: Allah did not send me to be harsh or cause harm, but he sent me to teach and make things easy. (Muslim)

2. Avoid reinventing the wheel. If you’re a novice and a bit nervous about taking on the admirable job of homeschooling your child, take the easy route when starting out. Although, some parents prefer designing their own learning materials for teaching, this may not be the best solution for you. There is an abundance of educational materials you can purchase for teaching most areas of study.
Educational materials including student texts and teacher’s editions ranging from arithmetic to science can be purchased online from academic textbook companies. There are publishers that specialize in educational materials for kindergarten through 12th grade. The fantastic thing about these companies is that you can purchase the student edition as well as the teacher’s edition. The teacher’s edition, of course, provides answers for your ease in teaching. But they also provide you with an assortment of lesson plans, teaching techniques, and extracurricular activities you can use when teaching your children. This can be invaluable when trying to manage on your own.
Alhamdulillah, you can even find Islamic learning materials for a variety of subjects. Susan Douglass has a book collection for grades Kindergarten through six. The set provides a great selection of Islamic based stories that include reading comprehension questions and lesson correlated activities. The titles can be found under Islamic School Book. Another fine educational selection is the Emaan Reading Series by Dr. Abu Ameenah Bilal Philips. This compilation of 58 paperback books provides wonderfully colorful and entertaining stories for children 6 through 9-years of age. The excellent aspect of these readers is that the vocabulary is specifically designed to be age appropriate.
If you’re still a little queasy about starting your homeschooling journey, here’s an even simpler way than searching out and purchasing your own materials-- join a homeschooling program online or in your area. You will get the moral support you need, and some programs even provide you with free materials! How about that for ease?
 If The Prophet (saw) had a choice between 2 halal things, he'd pick the easier one. (Bukhari)

3. Don’t over schedule. In an effort to provide your child with an optimum educational experience you might be inclined to bite off more than you can chew. Keep in mind that even public schools rotate certain classes periodically as opposed to scheduling them daily.  Avoid attempting to schedule every subject into a single day. You will likely run yourself ragged—if you’re even able to accomplish this feat in the first place. Your primary lessons should be reading, writing and arithmetic—those age-old subjects.

Here’s a tip for history lessons and the sciences if you find little time to teach these subjects: check out books on these subjects from the juvenile section of the library for your child to read for pleasure, homework or extra credit. These books are often easy-reading and more entertaining than school texts, and your child will still be exposed to the material.

4. Realize you can’t do it all. Homeschooling is a fulltime job . . . so is maintaining a home. Realize that the kitchen may not remain sparkling clean, clothes might pile up, and dinner may not be ready on time—or at all. On occasion, try opting for meals that are less time consuming but still healthy: Yogurt fruit salad; oatmeal, fruit and nuts; sandwiches and smoothies. Be sure to discuss with your spouse ahead of time your concerns—and his--about your time management issues while homeschooling.

One option you might consider is having the kids help out more around the house. Explain to them that you need extra help now that you are homeschooling. Create a schedule of chores you need help with and designate certain children to be responsible for them. Some parents are uncomfortable with the quality of housework their children perform. They feel it’s easier to do it themselves or not have it done at all. And that’s fine, too. Everyone has their own comfort level.

5. Appreciate your assets. Often times homeschooling parents consider their own abilities inferior to teachers in standard schools. Try minimizing these comparisons. There are many factors that make a great teacher. And there are just as many factors that contribute to children learning better. One important point educators tend to agree on is that children learn best when they feel secure and accepted. What better environment than one’s own home can these two attributes be felt?
This is not to say you should not continue educating yourself in ways of improving your teaching abilities. We should always seek to become the best we can. Browse the internet for helpful teaching techniques you can use with your child. Improve certain academic skills, if need be. Contact home school organizations to gain personal assistance in your job as a homeschooling parent. Attempting to improve your abilities will help you feel more secure in your role as a homeschooling mom.

6. Welcome the opportunity. Last, but not least, realize that homeschooling your child provides you with great leverage in fashioning his thinking and perspective of the world. You can address class lessons from an Islamic perspective. You are free to teach your child that Allah (SWA) is completely in control of everything in the world—the movement of the stars, the setting of the sun, the orbiting of the moon. You can openly explain to your child the harms and ills of today’s society. You can protect your child from feeling inferior to those who deride him for not conforming to their way. In essence, you have the opportunity to, insha’Allah, raise your child up as a slave of Allah.
O! You who believe, save yourself and your families from Hell-fire, whose fuel are humans and stones. (At-Tahrim 66: 6)

Helpful Resources:
The Muslim Family Guide to Successful Homeschooling by Jamila Alqarnain: https://www.facebook.com/muslimhomeschooling
Little Deen Explorers Islamic Homeschooling http://www.magcloud.com/user/islamichomeschooling


Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 16 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California. She has written dozens of articles for Muslim magazines, newspapers and blogs.  She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-books at:  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/




Saturday, October 7, 2017

New Newsletter for our Muslim Youth (By: Grandma Jeddah)

Congratulations, you are among the first to view our new bi-monthly newsletter for our Muslim youth, "Habibi News". The focus of our newsletter is to encourage our youth to feel proud and grateful to be Muslims. Our youth’s definition of themselves must come from us, their elders who love them, care about them, and expect them to become our future leaders, insha’Allah.

If you would like a personal PDF copy or would like several copies delivered to your home, school, or business, please send us an email and we will gladly send you what you need, insha'Allah for free. Please note, mail delivered newsletters are in black and white, not color as shown here. It would be our pleasure to email you a color copy PDF for you to make copies from, insha'Allah. Jazakalakhair.

Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 16 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California. She has written dozens of articles for Muslim magazines, newspapers and blogs.  She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-books at:  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

How Feminism has Failed our Children (Huffington Post-By: Lydia Lovric))

How Feminism has Failed our Children 
(Huffington Post-By: Lydia Lovric)

"The cold, hard truth about feminism is that while it may have been sold as a great thing for women, it has failed them. It has failed them spectacularly. And it has failed our children too.
Women have been brought up to believe that they have the right to pursue their own goals and dreams without any consideration for those around them.
As a result, we have women having babies who almost immediately hand the child off to a daycare worker or nanny so that they can return to the office in order to feel fulfilled.
Apparently, being a mother and caring for your own child no longer rates as something noble or noteworthy. Being head of HR or selling single-cup hot beverage systems is somehow more important than raising a good child."
Read the entire article here:


Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 16 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California. She has written dozens of articles for Muslim magazines, newspapers and blogs.  She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-books at:  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/

Sunday, October 1, 2017

Daughter Jealous of new baby (By: Grandma Jeddah)

2.  Daughter Jealous of new baby


I feel like I am at a low point right now with my daughter and need to learn how to handle her better. She is 2 ½ and I just had another baby girl who is 2 weeks old. I understand how it must feel to go from being the baby in the family to having a new baby in the house who mama is holding and nursing all the time.  Even though I give her so much attention, she has been acting out and hitting me, scratching and pulling my hair. Alhamdulillah she only has love towards the baby and only loves and hugs and kisses her, but all her anger is taken out on me. I have used distraction tactics when I had her only, but with a new baby at your breast, I don’t know how to handle her when she attacks me physically, and I find myself being harsh with her (never hitting though) and then I am consumed with guilt afterwards.  Any words of wisdom you have will be greatly appreciated.

May Allah reward you for seeking out positive ways of managing your daughter’s behavior. Alhamdulillah, it sounds like you are doing a great job at trying to alleviate your daughter’s jealousy by giving her as much attention as you can. May Allah reward you for being kind and understanding of her feelings.

One thing you might try the next time your daughter pulls your hair or scratches you is look her in the eyes and in a kind, soft voice explain to her  something like the following: “Honey, when you pull mommy’s hair it hurts. Please don’t do that. You are my friend. I love you. I don’t want you to hurt me. I want us to have fun together. It makes me sad when you hurt me.”  When you tell your daughter that she’s hurting you, you are appealing to her emotional side; children her age have a strong desire to please their mother.  You are also giving her an understanding of the effect of her actions. She may not realize the impact that the expression of her emotions has upon you. She’s merely venting her frustrations.

When you tell her that she is your friend and you love her, again, you are appealing to her emotional side. You are also reminding her that you love her, which is something she continually needs to be reassured of.

After explaining to your daughter that she’s hurting you and you love her and such, monitor her response. If she lets go and shows remorse, tell her thank you. Then hug and kiss her and try to continue giving her some form of positive attention by talking to her or finding some way to engage her. If she doesn’t let go or stop being aggressive, kindly let her know that you have to leave the room when she’s mean to you because it hurts, and you’ll be back after she has calmed down. Then leave the room. If she follows you, let her. If she avoids hitting or scratching you in the room that you move to, begin talking to her and giving her attention. For instance, ask her to select a book for you to read to her while you are nursing. If she continues hurting you, go to a room where you can lock the door until you have finished nursing the baby.

Also, find tasks that she can do related to the baby. When she does the task, praise her for it. For instance, have her get the baby’s diaper for you. When she brings it, tell her how happy she makes you when she helps you out. Tell her what a big girl she is. You can also ask her to hold the baby’s hand while you breast feed the baby. This can occupy her attention and keep her hands busy so they won’t hurt you. Having her get involved with the baby while you’re nursing can also help her feel more important around the baby rather than feeling left out because of the baby.
Another thing you can do is teach and explain to her emotion words.  You can find more information on this subject, Insha’Allah, in Grandma Jeddah’s e-book Discipline without Disrespecting. When she’s pulling your hair or scratching you, tell her something like the following: “Amira, you must be ‘sad.’  When people are sad sometimes they do things that hurt people. When you scratch me it hurts me.  When you’re sad, instead of scratching Mommy, ask Mommy to hold you or rock you or read you a book.”

 Also teach her the word jealous.  Explain to her that jealous is the way she feels when Mommy is spending time with someone else like the baby, instead of her.  Let her know that you understand how bad she feels when she’s feeling jealous. Tell her that whenever she feels jealous she can say to you. “Mommy I’m feeling jealous, please hug me.” When your daughter can start verbalizing how she feels, she’ll have less need to show you how she feels through misbehavior.

Try complimenting her often and letting her know how happy you are that she’s your daughter. When you notice her not pulling your hair or scratching you when you’re nursing, be sure to let her know how happy you are that she’s not doing these things.

Jealousy and sadness are feelings that your daughter is likely to experience on occasions throughout her life, Insha’Allah. You have an opportunity to teach her proper ways of expressing her uncomfortable and hurtful feelings in a way that is pleasing to Allah. Using some of the distractions and redirecting methods suggested above should be helpful for you in this process, insha’Allah.

Finally, may Allah continue to reward you for your patience, and continue to bless you to have patience when dealing with your daughter. This is a phase that will pass, Insha’Allah, in due time. The fact that she is very affectionate toward the baby is an indication of how well you have done already in trying to prepare your daughter for her uncomfortable feelings of jealousy and sadness. By continuing to be patient with her and showing her affection, you are instilling in her that you still love her. Once she feels secure with your love and feels you understand her pain, you should see a decline in her aggressive behavior, Insha’Allah. 


This is an excerpt from Grandma Jeddah's e-book 67 Discipline Pearls for Your Most Challenging Discipline Problems. Order your copy today at www.grandmajeddah.com 




Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 16 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California. She has written dozens of articles for Muslim magazines, newspapers and blogs.  She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-books at:  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/


Friday, September 29, 2017

Husband not Receptive to no-hitting (By:Grandma Jeddah)

My husband is not very receptive to the types of respectful discipline methods you mention in your e-book. How can I get him to change his ways of hitting our 4-year-old whenever he misbehaves?

Don’t give up on trying to be a good example for your husband.  Insha’Allah, as he observes you implementing your new discipline approach and sees the positive outcomes, he will become more receptive. You might be interested in picking up a copy of an excellent book for your husband.  It’s called Parenting in the West, an Islamic Perspective. It’s written by a doctor and his wife, Dr. Ekram and Dr. Mohamed Rida Beshir.  It presents great material on parenting with patience, understanding, and alternatives to hitting.  It’s a hard copy and written by a brother, so he may be more receptive to it, insha’Allah.  In the mean time, continue your efforts and dua.  Allah has Power over all things. 

This is an excerpt from Grandma Jeddah's e-book 67 Discipline Pearls for Your Most Challenging Discipline Problems. Order your copy today at www.grandmajeddah.com 




Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 16 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California. She has written dozens of articles for Muslim magazines, newspapers and blogs.  She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-books at:  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/

Sunday, September 24, 2017

7-year-old Daughter talks back (By: Grandma Jeddah)

.  7-year-old Daughter talks back

My 7-year-old is giving me a lot of back talk and wants to have her way despite my instructions to the contrary. She also has an overabundance of energy.  I would not label her hyperactive but fairly close.

Use the star chart system; it works wonders! Children similar to your daughter who exhibit signs of hyperactivity respond very favorably to positive reinforcement. First, explain to your daughter how the star chart system works. Let her know that it’s a new way you’ve found to help her do things you want her to do. Then, periodically when you notice that you have corrected her or directed her to do something and she doesn’t talk back, tell her she has a star for not talking back, and place a star on her chart. On occasions that she does back-talk, remove a star from her chart. When she receives 10 stars, allow her a special privilege, buy her a desired gift, or treat her to something special that she would like, insha’Allah.

The hardest part of this system is remaining consistent in seeking out the times that your daughter is avoiding back-talk. Parents tend to respond when their child misbehaves rather than when the child behaves appropriately. If you neglect to seek out times when your daughter is not talking back and react only when she does give you back-talk, you are less inclined to have success with this discipline method.

Also, remember to teach and explain to your daughter exactly how you want her to talk to you. Let her know that you want her to talk to you in a respectful tone, then model that tone for her.


Try this with your daughter for back-talk: give her options that she can use as an alternative to talking back to you. For instance, if you’ve told her to take a bath and get ready for bed and she doesn’t want to, let her know that it’s OK for her to let you know  her wishes—but she must inform you in a respectful tone. “Mommy, may I take my bath later?”  With consistency, I think you’ll find great success with these methods, insha’Allah. 


This is an excerpt from Grandma Jeddah's e-book 67 Discipline Pearls for Your Most Challenging Discipline Problems. Order your copy today at www.grandmajeddah.com 




Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 16 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California. She has written dozens of articles for Muslim magazines, newspapers and blogs.  She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-books at:  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Great Tips on Managing Tantrums (By: Grandma Jeddah)

Great Tips on Managing Tantrums

Please click here
https://rhymerlymer.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/grandma-jeddahs-8-tips-for-taming-temper-pdf.pdf

Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 16 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California. She has written dozens of articles for Muslim magazines, newspapers and blogs.  She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-books at:  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/

Sunday, September 17, 2017

BITTERSWEET: A SPIRITUAL PERSPECTIVE ON SPECIAL NEEDS PARENTING (From: Muslim Matters)


BITTERSWEET: A SPIRITUAL PERSPECTIVE ON SPECIAL NEEDS PARENTING


"I didn’t do a very good job at first, I would yell at him to lay down, and he would become scared and cry. So I would yell more, and he would scream, and I would yell more, and it would escalate until he would be shaking with fear and I with rage and at some point it occurred to me that my own son was genuinely terrified and couldn’t understand why he was being yelled out. And then, Allah gave me sabr, and then a diagnosis, and then the understanding that Khalid wasn’t disobeying, he just had no idea what was going on."

https://muslimmatters.org/2010/07/21/bittersweet-a-spiritual-perspective-on-special-needs-parenting/

Saturday, September 16, 2017

Mother has problem yelling at kids (By: Grandma Jeddah)


20.  Mother has problem yelling at kids


Truth be told, I need real help. I am a mother of 2. My son is 6 and always talking back. He makes me mad and I yell when he doesn’t listen. Then I tap his back to make him. He is such a good boy when he is told nicely. Yes, I know it’s me . . . but I feel so much stress on my shoulders—housework, the kids screaming.  I’m always told to use the behavior chart—I did that. It never works. My 3-year-old follows whatever my older son tells her to do. And I can’t get my 6-year-old to do his homework. Please tell me where I am going wrong and I will do anything to fix it. Which book would you advise me to buy? I want anything that works.

First, I’d like to say that you are probably doing a better job than you realize. Parenting can truly be challenging at times. None of us is perfect. I sense that you are making much effort in trying to be the best mother you can.

You mentioned that your son responds well when he is spoken to nicely. This suggests that at times you make an effort to manage his behavior in a calmer manner. This is something you can build upon, insha’Allah. Whenever you respond to your son in this manner, think about what the circumstances were that led you to act in this way. Try to create more situations like that so that you can get in the habit of responding to your son in this manner. You can even develop an incentive chart for yourself and reward yourself when you get 10 stars for managing your son’s behavior in a positive way. Then buy yourself something special, watch an interesting documentary, purchase a good book to read, or go somewhere special. Mothers need incentives sometimes, too. (smile)

Likewise, when you notice yourself responding to your son in ways that you dislike, once the situation has passed, think about how and why the situation led you to respond in such a way. Notice what triggers led you to want to respond this way. Let these triggers (child is whining, you didn’t get enough rest the night before, you drank too much caffeine lately, etc.) be your warning signals. Be extra conscious of your behavior at these times. Make a lot of dua asking Allah to help you to maintain your composure; seek refuge in Allah from Shaitan; take a few deep breaths before reacting; retreat to your room. Think of other ways you can calm yourself down before responding to your son. Patience is something that we learn over time and through practice, Insha’Allah.

You mentioned that the star chart system doesn’t work with your son. I would suggest using the behavior chart once again. Often times caregivers aren’t consistent with the system. This can lead to its lack of success. Also, sometimes caregivers neglect other aspects of parenting that must be in place prior to or along with using behavior charts. Some of these prerequisites are ensuring you are giving your child sufficient affection and attention. In addition, make sure you are setting a proper example for your child to model after.
When children see parents reacting with impatience to frustrating situations the children sometimes imitate this manner of coping.

Another important factor is to make sure you affirm your son’s good behavior more often. When we’re angry, we tend to focus more on our child’s improper behavior and disregard their proper conduct.

There could certainly be other factors that can contribute to a star chart system not working as well. These might include a child having severe behavioral problems, but your letter doesn’t seem to suggest this, and Allahu Alim.

You mentioned that house work and day-to-day responsibilities were overwhelming at times. No doubt about it . . .  our daily responsibilities can become burdensome. If your spouse isn’t opposed, perhaps you can allow yourself a break every now and then. What I mean by this is you could minimize the importance of a tidy house, long-cooked meals or whatever else that seems to take up a lot of your time and make you frustrated. Maybe you could use paper plates and cups once a week so you don’t have to wash dishes. You could decide that the house doesn’t have to be properly maintained at all times.

Also, make sure you are taking the time to relax. If you enjoy reading books, writing, crocheting or whatever, be sure to take time to enjoy these things periodically. They help calm your mind and replenish your energy.  And, of course, try listening to or reading Quran regularly. It’s a reminder of what we are here for and an encouragement for us to persevere.

Here are a few links you might find useful. And please continue visiting Grandma Jeddah’s website and blog as I think you will find much information from them that will be helpful for you, insha’Allah. Also, remember to make dua often, asking Allah to help you with your problems.

http://grandmajeddah.blogspot.com/2012/11/why-rewards-are-more-effective-than.html




This is an excerpt from Grandma Jeddah's e-book 67 Discipline Pearls for Your Most Challenging Discipline Problems. Order your copy today at www.grandmajeddah.com 


Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 16 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California. She has written dozens of articles for Muslim magazines, newspapers and blogs.  She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-books at:  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/


Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Young son won’t be still in salat (By: Grandma Jeddah)

27.  Young son won’t be still in salat


My husband takes my 5-year-old to the masjid with him sometimes for salat. My husband says that he always moves around and won’t be still in line. We want him to take salat seriously. How should we handle his restlessness during salat?
May Allah reward you for wanting to raise your son up to be conscientious of his prayers. I wouldn’t worry much about his moving around a lot in prayer. The Prophet (saw) said to have them begin praying at 7 years old, according to hadith.  He hasn’t matured to that level yet. Right now, he is simply being exposed to it, and that’s good. Let him enjoy making the prayer rather than making it something that he has to seriously adhere to.  This will help retain his desire to continue to go.  The Prophet (saw) was extremely lenient with his grandsons: There is a hadith in which the Prophet (saw) allowed his grandsons to climb on his back during salat while he was in sujud. (Bukhari)
Many children like to imitate their parents, so when your son sees you and your husband praying, he will likely develop a desire to begin imitating both of you, insha’Allah. Children take in and retain a lot of information through example during this time period. At this stage, he is learning mostly through example. Your sincere concern for prayer will likely transfer over to him, insha’Allah.
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This is an excerpt from Grandma Jeddah's e-book 67 Discipline Pearls for Your Most Challenging Discipline Problems. Order your copy today at www.grandmajeddah.com 


Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 16 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California. She has written dozens of articles for Muslim magazines, newspapers and blogs.  She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-books at:  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/



Sunday, September 10, 2017

How to make 1-on-1- time with 3 kids (By: Grandma Jeddah)

I have 3 boys, and I’m homeschooling them, so I’m finding it hard to give them 1-on-1 time. How do I find time to give each one the personal time he needs?

May Allah reward you for seeking ways to spend more personal time with your sons. Spending quality as well as quantity time with your children is important for their proper development.

Take comfort in knowing that by homeschooling your boys, you give them 1-on-1 attention, even if you don’t realize it. When teaching your soon to be 6-year-old how to write his letters, much of the practice involves your holding and guiding his hand, close-up contact with him, and continuous verbal direction and reinforcement. The same goes for when you’re helping your 3-year-old put his puzzles together. Even though you may be teaching them at the same time and nursing the littlest one, they are still getting personal attention from you.

Pat yourself on the back that you have chosen homeschooling as a method of teaching your sons. It is an educational method that allows them to have frequent contact and interaction with you. These crucial developmental years cannot be replaced once your sons have aged beyond them. And you are providing your kids with optimum attention from you as they move through this growth period.

The following suggestions are probably more closely related to what you are seeking in your question. One way of spending more 1-on-1 time with individual children is by making dates with them. Once a week you can schedule an outing with each child. Have Dad watch the other two while you go on a 30 to 45 minute outing with one of the boys. It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate. How about a visit to the park to play on the swings and slide for a few minutes? You can take a trip to the market with one of your sons to pick up some items for dinner. Be sure to let him pick out something special for himself and the other two siblings back at home. He’ll feel important for doing it. A walk around the corner can add up to 1-on-1 time together, as well.

The thing to remember with whatever outing you choose is to conversate with your child on the way to and back from your excursions. Talk about him, you, Allah, what you see on the way, whatever comes to your mind. Use that as a time to answer all of his back-to-back questions, with no frustration in your tone, only concern for your time together.

You can also use periods of activity at home to your advantage. During bath time, use those 5 to 10 minutes to smile, laugh, joke and play with one child at a time. Splash the water; let him feel with his fingers the extremes between warm and cold water; let the warm water rush down his back. Talk to him about which story he wants you to read to him after he’s slipped on his pajamas. Use your imagination for conversation and interaction ideas.

How about when you’re washing dishes? Let them take turns each day sitting on the counter to talk with you while you wash. What about when you’re baking a cake? Let one stir while the other counts to 10, then exchange their positions.

Play with them in turn. Play pony back ride. Get on your knees and ride each one to the other end of the room and back. Then let another child have a turn.

During story time at bedtime, have your kids take turns sitting on your lap for their story to be read. Or if only one story is read per night, let them take turns each night sitting on your lap.
Spending one-on-one needn’t amount to large blocks of time. Short spurts of 1-on-1 attention can be productive, as well.

I wouldn’t be too concerned about neglecting to give your sons 1-on-1 attention. The fact that you’re homeschooling them as well as seeking out ways to become a better parent show you’re doing a great job at trying to fulfill your sons’ needs, and Allahu Alim.
May Allah bless you to raise all your children up as good Muslims and bless your children to be blessings for you and your family in this world and the hereafter.


This is an excerpt from Grandma Jeddah's e-book 67 Discipline Pearls for Your Most Challenging Discipline Problems. Order your copy today at www.grandmajeddah.com 


Grandma Jeddah is the mother of 11 children and 16 grandchildren. She has taught hundreds of students for over 30 years at an Islamic school in Los Angeles, California. She has written dozens of articles for Muslim magazines, newspapers and blogs.  She is the author of, Discipline without Disrespecting: Discover the Hidden Secrets of How to Effectively Discipline Your Muslim Child--And Keep Your Peace of Mind while at It.  Order her e-books at:  http://www.grandmajeddah.com/